He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
