I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
