Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
