I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My pussy is not your playground.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
