I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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