Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
