what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
