I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
