I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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