Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
