lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
