is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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