There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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