Define "chronic" masturbator.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
