drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
