The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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