Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
