omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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