thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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