Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize
