Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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