Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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