My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
