I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
