Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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