I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
