So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
