Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
