I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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