okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
