Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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