sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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