Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, beer. Big fan.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
