is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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