Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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