bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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