If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
