i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
