I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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