hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
