Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
