it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
