There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
