So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
