Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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