You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
