im drinking this country out of the recession.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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