This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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