i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
