New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
