i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
