brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
