i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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