its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
